So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
