Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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