turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
