we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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