You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
