did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
