Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
