what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
