bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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