He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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