We need to rekindle our bromance
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
