operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
