btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Randomize
