i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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