I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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