You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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