um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
