My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
