You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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