I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
