I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think my moral compass just broke
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