He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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