Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
