Taylor Swift is so right about you.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
