I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
