I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
