my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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