I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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