Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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