maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
