so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
