Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
FUCK WHALES
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
