i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
