Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
