Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
