Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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