Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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