Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
