If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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