dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
