Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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