I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she looked like the before picture.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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