You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
