I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
