If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
