So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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