that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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