Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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