You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize