Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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