right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
