Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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