You just made me feel so damn special
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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