I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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