32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
