Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize