i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
