you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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