Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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