Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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