You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
