I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
