Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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