So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
