Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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