i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Randomize
