Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
