i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
