I just threw up on my dentist
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
