People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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