Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
