its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
