This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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