i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
