Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
