Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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