quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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