A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize