Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
