thus making me awesome and them whores
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
