I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
