i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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