you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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