I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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