Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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