It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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