the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
